yesterday I had two old ladies get upset that coffee isn’t 10 cents anymore.
like right now I’m trying to remember if I have ever bought anything for 10 cents or even seen anything that was only worth 10 cents. What century did they crawl out of
in 2011 my friend was playing with my hair and I joked that my deactivation switch was hidden on my scalp and we both laughed
a few moments later, he stroked the back of my head and I only managed to say “wait—“ before literally passing out and collapsing to the floor
whAT HAPPENED
[shrug]
My nervous system is kind of a bastard and sometimes likes to shut down without warning in response to certain kinds of stimuli - to go into some kind of emergency survival mode by helpfully diverting blood from my brain. Cool? Thanks?
I suspect it’s more physically hardwired than psychological - I didn’t know I was afraid of needles until a few years ago because I didn’t feel fear in response to them… I just got fun dramatic physical responses for no apparent reason without experiencing a sense of dread or anxiety.
Anyway I guess now any kind of “sharp” physical sensation, like needles or a hair being snagged too close to my spinal cord, has a chance of registering as life threatening emergency: go directly to unconsciousness do not stop do not collect $200.
petition to remake all of the twilight movies where everything is the same except that bella is played by john mulaney who has not been given a script and just has to deal with these circumstances as they come.
john: (walks into the classroom)
edward:
john:
don’t u mean
I DIDNT KNOW I NEEDED THIS
Omfg I’m dying
*Edward comes into Bella’s room that one night to creepily kiss her in order to test his self-control*
Edward: I just wanna try one thing. Be very still…don’t move.
John as Bella: *flops to the ground and kicks upward to fight off attacker according to the infinite wisdom of Detective JJ Bittenbinder*
Edward: My family, we’re different from others of our kind. We only drink animal blood, but it’s your scent. It’s like a drug to me. It’s like you’re my own personal brand of heroine.
